Gaming and Marriage. Has it caused issues?

[Vant3c]

Marriage is a mundane experience to a point that it is a routine. Do we always go on exciting adventures when I get home from work everyday? No! But we try to do lots of things together like take a vacation, go on a cruise, have date nights and so on.

That is what I mean and my parents who have been married for 35+ years understand what I mean by that.

[Luke]

...the thought of talking to your wife first about the issue would seem exceedingly difficult.

Making "exceedingly difficult" issues seem commonplace is what makes a strong marriage (or as TSTR would say "Stronk!").

[jp1]

I have already spoke with my wife about getting rid of all but one and she explain that she does not know if that would be good enough for her to come back. She thinks its a time issue but I don't spend 5+ hours a day playing them. I spend less than 2 hours playing them when I can. I do spend time with her but maybe how I spend that time is the issue. I think some people not all romanticize what marriage should be and in reality; marriage is a very mundane experience to a point of everyday living. That is my personal opinion. I love being married to my wife so please understand that.

put we with some of those "I's" and the sentence falls apart. This is my perspective that I am talking about so buddy give that a rest. Because pointing out "I" makes no sense in what you are trying to even accomplish OK.

He is trying to accomplish helping you out with your marriage troubles, as you requested. This is likely to result in some things you don't want to hear. If you think you have no fault in the situation, it's already too late for someone to help.

Are you posting in tandem on some forum that might have a greater respect for your wife's position, so you could understand her feelings on the matter more adequately?

[dsheinem]

Give me some sort of example Dave. I can't believe you of all people are being vague. Are we talking health issues, infidelity, finances, what?

Yeah, I guess I don't see it as being vague.

I would guess certain kinds of health issues and/or matters of infidelity would be especially tough topics to just blurt out about, even if you historically have a good relationship with your partner. There could be things that you might think would harm them more to know about than not (e.g. they would feel needlessly hurt, they would react violently, etc.) or things that you want to explain in just the right way so as to minimize potential drama (e.g. a terminal diagnosis). It would seem seeking advice first on topics like that may be wise...the question is where?

[Luke]

put we with some of those "I's" and the sentence falls apart. This is my perspective that I am talking about so buddy give that a rest. Because pointing out "I" makes no sense in what you are trying to even accomplish OK.

"Buddy", your wife probably hears "I" a lot from you, which is the point. Not trying to "accomplish" anything other than showing you how defensive you are, but you just proved that for me.

[Vant3c]

He is trying to accomplish helping you out with your marriage troubles, as you requested. This is likely to result in some things you don't want to hear. If you think you have no fault in the situation, it's already too late for someone to help.

Are you posting in tandem on some forum that might have a greater respect for your wife's position, so you could understand her feelings on the matter more adequately?

How about wasting over $15,000 dollars in our savings account with nothing to show for it at all? I have been fair to her feelings and want to work it out. But, that is a point of contention for me.

Would you want or could work it out if your wife or SO did the same to you? I am being fair to her to want to work it out.

[Exhuminator]

I would be ashamed and embarrassed to tell people that video games ended my marriage.

If this marriage ended over the issue, once again the video games themselves aren't the reason. One might say, "my wife's demands to monopolize my free time ended our marriage" instead. Because that's more the rub that OP is describing. (Even if it's not the whole honest story or entirely accurate.)

Marriage should be anything but mundane.

I read it as he meant there's a lot of daily routine to a marriage that isn't necessarily invigorating, not that he finds his wife boring.

[jp1]

Give me some sort of example Dave. I can't believe you of all people are being vague. Are we talking health issues, infidelity, finances, what?

Yeah, I guess I don't see it as being vague.

I would guess certain kinds of health issues and/or matters of infidelity would be especially tough topics to just blurt out about, even if you historically have a good relationship with your partner. There could be things that you might think would harm them more to know about than not (e.g. they would feel needlessly hurt, they would react violently, etc.) or things that you want to explain in just the right way so as to minimize potential drama (e.g. a terminal diagnosis). It would seem seeking advice first on topics like that may be wise...the question is where?

I see where you are at in this. It simply doesn't apply in my case. My wife would be at any Doc appointment that could possibly result in a terminal diagnosis and vice versa, infidelity isn't my thing, and while we do have faults and arguments (no marriage is perfect), honesty is paramount to both of us. She would be more pissed I hid something from her than any possible argument it might cause.

[Vant3c]

Luke wrote:
Marriage should be anything but mundane.

I read it as he meant there's a lot of daily routine to a marriage that isn't necessarily invigorating, not that he finds his wife boring.

Thank you for understanding what I mean by that.

[Jmustang1968]

I have already spoke with my wife about getting rid of all but one and she explain that she does not know if that would be good enough for her to come back. She thinks its a time issue but I don't spend 5+ hours a day playing them. I spend less than 2 hours playing them when I can. I do spend time with her but maybe how I spend that time is the issue. I think some people not all romanticize what marriage should be and in reality; marriage is a very mundane experience to a point of everyday living. That is my personal opinion. I love being married to my wife so please understand that.

What say you now, Jmustang?

That highlighting them is still frivolous, but really nice job of bracketing those I's with bold. He is self reflecting on his behavior in which the partner does not like. It is his behavior to adjust or not and he can only control how he behaves and acts