What was the last movie you've seen?

[Ack]

We're nearly a month out from October. This year for my horror movie marathon, I intend to focus on long running horror franchises. Every film that I count for my list of 31 will be from a film series which consists of at least a trilogy. That means classics like Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Nightmare on Elm Street, as well as various Child's Plays, Hellraisers, Puppet Masters, Leprechauns, Phantasms, Carnosaurs, Amityville Horrors, Children of the Corns, Zombis, Ghoulies, and so on and so on, etc., etc., etc. I could even watch a Killjoy if I so desire...though I really don't desire that, believe me.

I also like to pregame a bit for this and often start watching horror movies in the weeks leading up to October. With that in mind, I just watched...



House 2: The Second Story

And I liked it.

Yes, it's silly, ridiculous, and has a plot that sounds like a five-year-old wrote it. Yet I found this story of really awkward time-travel and family legacies surprisingly enjoyable and quite cute. Somewhere between chasing a caveman surrounded by claymation dinosaurs and discovering that the local electrician keeps a sword in his toolbox in case of crazy portals, I realized I was having a stupidly good time watching this movie.

An orphan named Jesse and his girlfriend Kate movie into Jesse's family mansion. Once inside, Jesse's goofball friend Charlie shows up with his ladyfriend Lana, because Charlie totally wants to get Lana in with Kate's talent agency. But going through old papers, Jesse discovers there might be a mystic crystal skull hidden in his great-great-grandfather's grave, so Jesse and Charlie go out one night to dig it up. They find the skull...and the still-living mummy of Jesse's ancient relation, Gramps. Gramps reveals the crystal skull holds magic powers which warriors from across time will attempt to possess, and soon Jesse and Charlie discover themselves going through time, fighting dinosaurs and Aztec priests, and eventually having a gunfight with a cowboy zombie named Slim Razor, who is Gramps' evil former partner. All of this while Jesse is trying to keep it secret from his girlfriend Kate, who is totally getting hit on by her boss, John(played as a smarmy asshole by Bill Maher! What a strange movie for him to be in).

While all this is going on, Jesse and Charlie eventually acquire a weird set of friends: a baby pterodactyl, a dinosaur-dog-caterpillar, and a Mexican virgin who was going to be sacrificed and totally has the hots for Jesse. There is also the greatest electrician in the world, played by John Ratzenberger(I guess the cast of Cheers just likes popping into haunted house movies), who discovers a doorway through time and declares it is "one of those time-portal things...you see these all the time in these old houses." He then hops in and sword fights alongside Jesse and Charlie for kicks, because why not?

I laughed at this movie. I admit that I was sad to see Gramps go. I cheered at the ending. I had a ridiculously good time. This is not anywhere near a piece of high art, it's a bad movie. But it's a really entertaining bad movie, one worth watching just because it's so weird. I kept wondering just what strange thing would happen next, and I found myself surprisingly impressed by it. This is dumb, clean fun, exactly the kind of movies that I appreciate and think of when I think of 1980s film.

[noiseredux]

House II is insane. A masterpiece of "how did this even get made?" cinema!

[Ack]

House II is insane. A masterpiece of "how did this even get made?" cinema!

Totally. Now I'm also pumped to track down the rest of the loose House and La Casa series.

[noiseredux]

House II is insane. A masterpiece of "how did this even get made?" cinema!

Totally. Now I'm also pumped to track down the rest of the loose House and La Casa series.

Yup The La Casas are all worth seeing.

[Sam_P]

Straight Outta Compton.

I was so pumped to see this, though I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. There was a few hard hitting bits, like how NWA were harassed by "one time" for standing outside of a recording studio, along with when the stage was rushed by police after they performed "F The Police", as well as when Eazy discovered he was dying of AIDS.

Being a huge rap fan, I did enjoy it, and I was amazed how well little known actor Jason Mitchell portrayed Eazy. A must see for all rap fans, though I personally don't think it lived up to the huge hype.

[Ack]

Carnosaur

Carnosaur has problems, but the biggest in my opinion is that it feels like two very different horror movies were stitched together. The first is a giant monster movie about killer dinosaurs roaming around the American Southwest and preying on a small town already plagued by hippies and boredom. The second is a body horror plague film about a mutating virus created by a genocidal doctor that forces women into a fatal pregnancy which will ultimately kill off the entire species.

Of the two, I want to like the monster movie more, though it suffers from the incredibly small budget and silly effects that would make Ray Harryhausen vomit with rage. Still, it has Doc, an alcoholic and self-loathing former physician turned night guard who just wants the world to leave him in his gutter. Doc is the best part of the film, the ultimate loser whose pathetic antics are still highly watchable. I felt sorry for him and cheered when he got something right and did his best to save what is ultimately an unwinnable situation. This side of the film also feels like various animal attack and giant monster movies at times, like Night of the Lepus, The Killer Shrews, The Valley of Gwangi, and so on.

And then there is the plague movie, Outbreak gone horribly, horribly wrong. Here corporate hoods argue with each other over government bureaucracy, and a militarized FEMA dons outfits like the mutants in Rats: Night of Terror so they can then go crazy with M-16s and flamethrowers. For the most part, men feel ill and women die giving birth to eggs with tiny lizards inside, though at least once there is a rip-off chest burster moment similar to Alien. This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever within the context of the movie and is some kind of aberration entirely separate and saved purely for the big villain(not the big bad guy, because I guess that would be the dinosaur). Ultimately the military decides to kill everyone and massively change the population through artificial wombs and further genetic engineering. Also, there is blueberry pie coated with goat embryonic fluid. And some nasty chicken eggs.

I came for the monsters, so I must admit that it was unlikely the other side of things would win me over. I am much more interested in seeing Clint Howard get his head ripped off, and the dino-attacks were lovably gory. People don't just die, they get torn apart, their guts yanked out and fed upon while still breathing. Apparently baby dinosaurs like to eat the eyes of their victims before they slip into unconsciousness. Who knew? The downside to all of this though is that the dinosaur models are simply awful. They were rushed in design, there was little budget for them, and most of the suggestions from paleontologists were basically ignored or came in too late to be of use. It shows. Most of the best stuff is done with a puppet or a miniature, and there is a lot of time spent with the critters in darkness. Unfortunately it wasn't enough, and we get to see just how bad things are more than once.

But despite this, I still got to see a dinosaur fight a Bobcat skid loader. That sated my inner six-year-old.

Also, this movie is really dark. Not just due to lighting(though much of it does occur at night), but in tone. Humanity loses in this movie, all because of one sicko scientist who figures Earth would be better off without us. And while the hero succeeds in obtaining the progenitor virus, he still ends in miserable failure. Everybody dies. The slate gets wiped clean. The End, right?

Wrong. They made a sequel. Hell, they made a series.

[prfsnl_gmr]

Last night, my wife and I watched:



The Guest (2014). It is from the director of You're Next, and it stars the lead from It Follows. I expected a solid horror film along the lines of Cape Fear or The Stepfather, but it was not what I was expecting...at...all. Rather, it is an excellent blend of some of my favorite films from the late-70s, 80s, and early 90s, and I loved every minute of it. As the AVClub wrote in its review, "Dumb fun is rarely this smartly delivered," and I highly, highly recommend it. (It is currently streaming on Netflix; so, those of you with the service can watch it instantly.)

[noiseredux]

Jordy... is it horror or no? I'm confused. But intrigued.

[prfsnl_gmr]

Jordy... is it horror or no? I'm confused. But intrigued.

Sometimes...maybe...Certain parts (including the awesome sythn soundtrack) definitely draw inspiration from films like Halloween and Near Dark, but other parts of it strongly reminded me of action films like The Terminator and Universal Soldier. You should watch it tonight with some pizza and beer. It is tremendous fun regardless of the genre classification.

[noiseredux]

sorry dood, Friday nights is 90210 these days. But Saturday night... Saturday night we might watch that.