What Made you Smile/What Ticked you off Today?

[prfsnl_gmr]

I hated doing the the "your parents get X holidays, mine get y holidays" dance. Finally had to put my foot down.

We had to do this too. Despite the fact that we live in Charlotte, my father's side of the family expected us to drive to Greenville - on Christmas Day - so that we could participate in the large family Christmas celebration. (Most of my father's family lives in eastern North Carolina; so, travelling to Greenville is not such a big deal for them.) Before we had children, this inspired us to visit my wife's parent in Maine for Christmas. After we had children, however, the pressure on us to attend really increased, and my wife and I resolved that: (1) Santa comes down our chimney every year; (2) our children get to play with their own toys in their own home on Christmas Day; (3) we will establish our own traditions; and (4) we will not, under any circumstances, travel on Christmas day.

My father's side of the family finally relented and agreed not to hold the family Christmas celebration on Christmas Day last year, but until then, attempts to "guilt" us into attending combined with a complete disregard of our desires ("A 14-hour round trip by car with two children under 4 on Christmas Day isn't a big deal, right?") was a bit insulting.

[fastbilly1]

We travel on Christmas from my parents house to my wife's parents house (near where we live). But my father came up with a brilliant idea. After my grandmother passes (we do a party are her house every Christmas Eve), we will do Christmas day with my wife's family, but New Years Eve will be my family's Christmas. It means the kiddos get to have Christmas at home, and no one gets pissy. No fuss, no muss, no coconuts.

[Luke]

: My research was accepted for presentation at a Game Studies conference in The Netherlands in January.

Bring a jacket

[Luke]

...guilt...

Try as her parents may, their guilt trips and constantly asking me to reconsider have not changed my mind a bit. Our doors are open, if they don't want to visit, that is on them.

They get a bit offended when I say "It's just a day. You can celebrate Christmas on any day if you'd like". But nooooo. Christmas is holy and only on 12/25.

[BoneSnapDeez]

At least I can use the "can't travel, I have a baby" excuse these days.........

[Luke]

At least I can use the "can't travel, I have a baby" excuse these days.........

I'm not making excuses, I simply want to stay at home on Christmas.

[MrPopo]

My family did the holiday dance, but since everyone lived in the greater Chicagoland area it wasn't a big deal. But then after my dad's mom died we stopped getting invited to anything on his side of the family (they were never comfortable with him converting to marry my mom). For a few years we invited ourselves along ("so, you haven't told us what to bring for Thanksgiving") but after my mom's sister died my mom put her foot down. If they weren't going to invite us then we'll stick with my mom's side of the family.

[Forlorn Drifter]

I don't have kids or anything, so that might change opinions, but I really don't see the issue of traveling for family like that. Most of my family lives close, but we've made last second 10 hour drives for Holidays and such many times and I never had any issue with it.

[Michi]

We used to travel up to Indiana every year around Christmas time. We'd leave Christmas day, then come back some time around New Years. Did it for 21 years.

But after my grandfather died a couple of my relatives decided that that was the perfect time to turn into jerks. Outrageous accusations were thrown, words were exchanged and Mom pretty much decided that we didn't need to go back for a while. And after some of the things I overheard (that people probably don't think I overheard), I didn't really blame her.

We're going up this year (after Christmas) to visit my aunt and her family. Mom has begrudgingly told her other two siblings that we'll be there, as it may very well be the last time the whole family will be together (cousins and all), but whether they show up or not...Well, that's on them.

We were always the ones who had to travel to see them. If they want to see us now it's their turn to travel. We've decided that instead of visiting them, we shall instead save the money and go places we really want to visit. Like the National Parks (Once they reopen, anyway.)

[KitKatCara]

I don't have kids or anything, so that might change opinions, but I really don't see the issue of traveling for family like that. Most of my family lives close, but we've made last second 10 hour drives for Holidays and such many times and I never had any issue with it.

Depends on the family. If you enjoy their company and get along with them, it's great. However, once you have a family it seems that your family of origin and your inlaws start thinking that they are entitled to your time and demand that you see them first, or whine that they didn't get as much time with you. You also only have your family or origin to deal with, so it's not a huge issue of juggling your time.

Then you have a kid, and the family goes nuts. I failed at epic proportions last Christmas and freaking allowed my mother to guilt me into spending Christmas with 'the family'. I left Houston (and Jinx, who was working) to spend time with extended family. The whole time I was miserable, and my mom would get pissed at me because I wouldn't let her parade my daughter around like she was a trophy. My dad was insulted because I wouldn't allow him to smoke and hold my kid at the same time. When I went to the inlaws house, my mother said that I 'wasn't allowed' to spend too much time over there because she would 'miss her baby too bad'. She didn't like my response that her 'baby' was a (at the time) 20 year old adult who could take care of herself. It was the worst Christmas I had so far. I allowed my mother to separate my family for her own selfish wants, and because I tried to stand my ground and establish boundaries the ugly came out.

Jinx's dad and step mom are awesome. They have a huge family and get the travelling issue. Why spend Christmas in a car when you have all those toys to play with?

Hopefully this year we will have our own place by then and I will happily host whoever wants to come for the holidays. I love cooking so that isn't an issue for me. I refuse to pack up and hit the roads on a Holiday that is supposed to be filled with cheer and whatnot. I get along with my family, but usually we all say hi then I just end up talking with my weird cousin and wishing it was time to go. What's the point in that?

I sound really angry in the first paragraph, but that's how I see it. It's just about "We wanna see the babbbbyyyyy!" and people forget that the kid has parents that need to tend to that child. My parents seem to think that they are allowed to do whatever they want with my child (like things that can harm her health and put her in danger are supposedly 'normal' or 'fun') and are bitter and have been downright hateful when I don't allow them. Their entitlement really pisses me off.


That's my experience anyway.