What Made you Smile/What Ticked you off Today?

[prfsnl_gmr]

Smile: One of my best buddies (since middle school) stopped by on Tuesday.

Frown: He's still here. I'll elaborate later.

You are quite the writer, and (I am somewhat ashamed to admit that) I can't wait to hear about this. Please elaborate.

[Luke]

Please elaborate.

First off, SMILE: MY pup Ripley turned 13 years old today. A visit to a park and a shopping spree at PetSmart have already taken place. And possibly the following will make sense.

I'm quite fine with the fact that some members of this board think I'm full of myself. Nothing could be further from the truth, but yet at the same time I do make jokes that fall on deaf ears and understand how I might seem like a bit of a jerk. Trust me, I've worked very hard for each of my accomplishments and all of my personal friends think I'm the most overly polite person on Earth.

I'm also fine with the fact that I have friends that are nothing short of complete a-holes. I did not seek these friends out nor do I hang out with nozzles that I just met, but I am friend to the end and my a-hole friends date back to middle school. What can I say? If you were my best buddy when Altered Beast was released, you'll never be chopped liver...even if you are jerk.

So. With that in mind, "ol buddy" stopped by for a visit this week, and what was supposed to be a meet and greet turned into three days that may have caused me to lose a fraction of follicles. Again, I'll stick by ol' buddy although he might not do the same for me, but I kid you not when I say the thought of breaking his wrist crossed my mind.

Ol' buddy (just "buddy" from here on out) lives in Australia, but is home for the holidays and wanted to pay a visit. Of course I obliged but was unaware he would stay for sooooo long. His story was that he had to take the CLE (what he called "the top legal exam" but google says to be "the minimum") Wednesday morning. He left earlier this morning.

Buddy is not too hot when it comes to honesty. He repeats lies to the point he can't keep up with them. And I'm talking about mistaking and repeating lies in the span of hours. Not white lies, but "I slept with so-and-so and she was a dirty slut" lies. "I banged her in the back seat of her Dad's Corvette because it was more comfortable" lies (Corvette's, unless modified, don't have a back seat).

The visit started off swell. Grabbed some wings and beer with some of my friends, had some laughs and went home. and then...

I've never wanted someone to leave my house more in my entire life. You know that guy who wants to show you every youtube video he likes? Multiply that by infinity. It's too frustrating to put in words. I think down deep he's a good guy, but it's lie after lie and me wanting to call him out on every lie, but he fibs so much he wears you down to the point where you don't even call him out. You just give up.

Just a few examples of over, I'm not kidding, a hundred lies I heard from him the past few days:

"Totally banged Kelli in high school"

I actually did bang Kelli, and asked her about this on FB. I believe her 100% when she told me "I wouldn't even kiss that guy. Ew". (She did say "ew").

"I have a ten million dollar trust fund, so interest alone I'm making $50k a year without doing anything".

Had to hold my tongue and not say "What retard manages your money?".

And it got even worse. The entire visit I'm thinking "who are you trying to impress?". I mean, the guy whipped out his iphone and showed me a picture of his "office" which was obviously his apartment. I asked "Your office has a pool outside?" and his response was "not everyone's office has a pool, but mine does".

Seriously?

And the constant "I want to" drove me fucking insane. Purchasing HALO 4 was the big one. "I want to play HALO 4" may have well been the theme of the past couple of days. I told him "Duder, I'm not a fan of Halo and I have hundreds of games here". His response: "You DO like Halo. You just think you are too cool for Halo, because if people like something, you have to hate it".

Imagine someone telling what you think for three straight days.

Better yet don't.

And his constant talk about his girlfriend also made me think about pulling a trigger. He kept saying "She looks EXACTLY like Kate Winslet". When asked for a picture of said lady, "I don't have a good picture of her". Well, that would be very true. The one picture he did show me of her looked a bit like KW...if she was super chubby. And had down syndrome (not poking fun at DS, but the girl had that look).

BUT! There were some good times. We smoked cigars outside, had some scotch, beat SMB.2, and when he got chippy either my wife or I would put the kid in his place. And quickly.

And I don't remember how OVER THE TOP came up, but buddy started a pissing contest with "Oh, I could whoop your tail" (of course he didn't say 'tail'). As most of you know, I have no fingers on my left hand and the first words out of my mouth were "I'd beat you to a pulp with my right arm tied behind my back". His retort was "You couldn't even beat me in arm wrestling". I did. Every time. Left and right hand. But even after that he still couldn't keep bragging about how strong he was. To add, I think arm wrestling is stupid dumb...I'm lying.

I've lost track. But in short, buddy is an arrogant jerk that I still have hope for, and I'm so glad he's not in my house anymore.

[RyaNtheSlayA]

That would drive me so insane. I like to think of myself as a person that could tolerate that, but, after reading that, I don't know that I would be able to.

Also, I didn't know you had no left fingers!

[prfsnl_gmr]

Expectations fulfilled.

TBH, however, your friend sounds like a boor - and not much of a friend - so if I were you, I would probably cut him off...

[MrPopo]

That would drive me so insane. I like to think of myself as a person that could tolerate that, but, after reading that, I don't know that I would be able to.

Also, I didn't know you had no left fingers!

Luke is a case study in the dangers of biting your nails.

[dsheinem]

Wow, Luke. That's just....wow....I can't even...

I mean...

...have you even played Halo 4?

[Luke]

That would drive me so insane. I like to think of myself as a person that could tolerate that, but, after reading that, I don't know that I would be able to.

Expectations fulfilled.

TBH, however, your friend sounds like a boor - and not much of a friend - so if I were you, I would probably cut him off...

Guys, I haven't even scratched the surface. I'm not trying to paint myself as a saint, and I know I was the host, but you guys have no idea how irritating the visit was.

I'm redecorating my entire third floor, which is where my pals hang out. Half of it is my game room, the other half a theater. I, like any other gamer/collector, am VERY proud of these rooms even if some of my games are "shovel". I've recently bought a few new pieces, all from the art deco period of the prohibition era. My rules are simple:

*In my best Sam L. Jackson impersonation* There are RULES in my gameroom, and they must be Ohhbayed. These rules are SIMPLE AND CONSTITUTE nothing but common sense! Follow them or your butt will be followed by a size 12 adidas straight up your you know where (Sam wouldn't say "you know where", but you get it),

#1 NO FOOD ON THE THIRD FLOOR
#2 NO DRINKS ON THE CARPET AT ANY TIME
#3 ALWAYS USE A COASTER ON ANY TABLE
#4 DO NOT ROCK ON CHAIRS THAT AREN'T ROCKING CHAIRS
#5 DO NOT PUT EXCESS WEIGHT/PUNCH/STRIKE ON A CARD TABLE THAT IS OLDER THAN YO MAMA
#6 IF YOU ARE GOING TO USE DRUGS, USE THEM OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE


While buddy visited, he dropped a chicken wing on the carpet, spilled a beer on my carpet (because he accidentally kicked a beer can he left ON THE CARPET!), could not sit still during card games, constantly put his elbows on the card table, and smoked stinky ass resin when I would leave for a potty break (we all gotta go sometimes).

I have been hosting poker games for years and I've never had someone who had such a "who gives a fuck?" attitude. And the thing is every time I would say "Duder! No beer cans on the carpet!" he'd respond with "Don't be such a bitch". My mommy and daddy didn't give me a free ride, and I want my house (and myself) to be held with some respect.

Sorry to sound like a wiener whiner, but the kid treated my house like his apartment. Not cool.

[prfsnl_gmr]

Yes. It certainly sounds like he earned the title of persona non grata, and if I were you, I would definitely treat him as such going forward...

[Luke]

Wow, Luke. That's just....wow....I can't even...

I mean...

...have you even played Halo 4?

This is how a gaming session went with buddy:

Me: You've got to try Child of Eden if you haven't played it.

Buddy: Heard it sucks. Go buy Halo 4.

Me: I'm not spending money on a game I don't want.

Buddy: That's you. You hate everything everyone else likes. Halo 4 is the best game out now, and you don't want to buy it because you want to be "yourself".

Me: No. I'm not a fan of Halo.

Buddy: Because you want to be cool.

Me: No, I love a great fps, but Halo doesn't do it for me.

Buddy: Whatever man.

And he went through at least 4 360 games in a span of just minutes. LA Noire= this sucks. Castlevania LOS =this sucks, Child of Eden = this sucks.

It didn't matter. If he didn't get his way and was able to play Halo 4, everything sucked. Plus, he woke up with a six pack, so he even told my my "Luke sucks. Would you go get Halo 4 so we can finally do something fun?"

I'm a great host, but everything had to be centered around him without a single "thanks man!" (and that's all I ask).

[Luke]

Yes. It certainly sounds like he earned the title of persona non grata, and if I were you, I would definitely treat him as such going forward...

I'm a boyscout and a softie at heart. My wife would definitely agree with "throw the bum out", and one day it may happen.

Had he not been drinking, he would have been sent packing last night. I do not allow cursing or racial slurs around my wife as a sign of respect. He said Nigger a few times and if I had not shared a brew or two with him, I would have throw his bags out the door and told him to "get to steppin'".

Oh, and here's a keeper. I told him about the charity auction and he brags on his millions in savings/trust funds and says he is a philanthropist and would like to contribute. I told him how appreciative the community would be if he did lend a few bucks and his response was "I could probably give you five bucks next year".