what's your marital status?

[Jmustang1968]

To many asking for a prenup would be considered an insult as a sign you do not trust her. I think your logic is backwards. It is not a test of if they are just after money. I think there is a very small % of people who marry with money going in that should really think about a prenup...

Why shouldnt you get married?

You are failing to see the many financial and others benefits of being married.

- Very nice tax breaks
- you can put each other on health insurance plans
- seamless transfer of property upon a death of a spouse
- ER visitation rights
- favorable loan rates
- discounted auto insurance
- getting paid leave from work for a spouse illness

Half of all marriages end in divorce. That is a statistical fact. Money is the reason to NOT get married. Everything you listed besides the visitation rights are based on money.

So what if you can save some money on those things, when you have a 50% chance of losing a massive amount of money in the end? And this is assuming you get a cheap ring and cheap wedding, and the man and women keep their bank accounts separate and pay for their own stuff. It's very common for the man to pay a lot for a ring, the wedding, and pay for some of the woman's bills during marriage, so that by itself would easily cancel out your list.

You gotta be realistic, or there is a very good chance you will get fucked over someday. Once again, marriage is about money. It is a legal contract that combines the money and property of two people into one. That's all it does. It is not about love whatsoever.

Ah but it is. Can it be purely financial? sure. But just because half of the other idiots in the world get divorced, doesnt mean I will. If I didnt love my wife, I wouldn't have married her.

Keeping separate accounts and focusing on balance of financials between spouses is a quick way to sour a marriage. You really have to 'buy' in to going into it together and sharing everything. You are sharing your life, house, and money with your spouse.

You are also failing to see the religious aspect of it. I am not religious, but many get married to form a union before God. While it isn't real to me, god is real to a believer and a big part of their lives.

You also fail to see why financials are split upon divorce. Especially in single earning families. One spouse, historically the wife in most cases but not always, becomes the 'house wife' and supports and runs the household while the husband is the money earner. Many of times in this situation, the woman foregoes her possible career in order to have children or take care of the house and support the husband. Then with the wife financially reliant on the husband, the husband could potentially abuse his position in the union and threaten to divorce to get his way with the wifes fear she would get divorced and have nothing. This would happen where the money earning spouse would hold most of the power if a relationship soured. Obviously, double earning couples muddy the waters a bit more...

[Inazuma]

Inazuma,

Hopefully this will be the last of the thread drift, you said you wouldn't get married without a valid reason. I'm just curious what you consider a valid reason.

If I was a loser with no money and no hope of ever making money, I might consider marrying someone so they can take care of me, and if we get divorced, continue to take care of me. This would be a terrible thing to do, despite being perfectly legal.

Or maybe if I was having trouble getting citizenship in a foreign country, I might marry just for that. This one actually is illegal, so I would risk getting busted for it.

Lastly, and this one is actually the most likely of all for me, if there was a really evil and rich woman, and I had a chance to marry her in order to take her money in a divorce, I might consider it, depending on the whole situation.

Why are you getting married, StuntDouble? Please be honest.

[Inazuma]

Ah but it is.

Really? Love cannot exist unless you both sign a marriage contract? How sad for me. Since I'm never getting married, it's impossible for me to ever experience true love. >_>

Can it be purely financial? sure. But just because half of the other idiots in the world get divorced, doesnt mean I will. If I didnt love my wife, I wouldn't have married her.

Everyone says that when they get married! And even if you do everything possible to stay married, your wife can decide to get a divorce, or something else can happen that causes the divorce. You never know. That's why you get car insurance. Even the best driver in the world can get into an accident with a random drunk driver.

Keeping separate accounts and focusing on balance of financials between spouses is a quick way to sour a marriage. You really have to 'buy' in to going into it together and sharing everything. You are sharing your life, house, and money with your spouse.

Marriage is all about giving her money, isn't it? You are saying it yourself now. If you want to keep your money to yourself, marriage isn't for you, right? That's what you just said. What's so bad about the idea of "what's yours is yours and what's mine is mine"?

You are also failing to see the religious aspect of it. I am not religious, but many get married to form a union before God. While it isn't real to me, god is real to a believer and a big part of their lives.

The only way God is real, is if God is real. Believing that something is true doesn't make it true. It has to actually be true. Besides, religion demands that everyone who works on Sunday should be killed. Religion sure is great, isn't it?

You also fail to see why financials are split upon divorce. Especially in single earning families. One spouse, historically the wife in most cases but not always, becomes the 'house wife' and supports and runs the household while the husband is the money earner. Many of times in this situation, the woman foregoes her possible career in order to have children or take care of the house and support the husband. Then with the wife financially reliant on the husband, the husband could potentially abuse his position in the union and threaten to divorce to get his way with the wifes fear she would get divorced and have nothing. This would happen where the money earning spouse would hold most of the power if a relationship soured. Obviously, double earning couples muddy the waters a bit more...

Yeah, that was the original reasoning behind it. Regardless of the reason, the reality is that in most divorces, the man ends up getting fucked over big time. You can talk about how things should or could be all you want. I'm talking about how they actually are.

[StuntDouble]

Inazuma

I'm getting married because I've found the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. We want to get married because we love each other, not because there may be financial perks associated with marriage.

[irixith]

irixith,

After reading your post, I decided to do a little research into prenuptial agreements. I have to admit, I was surprised to find that they aren't just for people trying to hold on to their money in the event of a divorce. Basically, it gives the two of you the power to decide what happens to your joint finances and property in the event of your divorce or the death of a spouse. Otherwise, the court would do your financial planning for you and in many cases one person or the other gets seriously f-ed over.

I have to admit I feel a bit more comfortable with the notion of a prenup agreement. I don't think they're essential or even necessary for everyone, and though I don't think it would be necessary for myself, I would enter in to one if it meant the two of us would be better off in the event of a divorce or death.

Glad I didn't get lost in the war.

There are a lot of beautiful things about a marriage, and like anything in life, there's paperwork too. A prenup is just part of the paperwork, and can make life far easier down the road. Making a choice on a prenup based solely on romantic love or misguided thoughts on trust -- I dunno. To me, that is a good litmus test for a successful partnership. Not all the decisions in a partnership are easy -- imagine not having anything set up for your eventual death. We all die (or perhaps that's another debate? ;p), and when someone doesn't have anything set up in advance for that, it's an incredible nightmare. Even in my little print shop that could out here in the boons, I've watched estates that are dragging on for upwards of 25 years. (!!!!) How many times do I have to make copies of paperwork in situations where people have probably forgotten why the heck they're even dickering in the first place..

The paperwork is ALWAYS harder at the end. Having something in place to make it all a little easier should that be the case? Not a big deal, I say.

Now, go go gadget copter! This thread's gonna be 20 pages by the time I wake up.

[Jmustang1968]

Really? Love cannot exist unless you both sign a marriage contract? How sad for me. Since I'm never getting married, it's impossible for me to ever experience true love. >_>

You didnt read again. I never love doesn't exist without marriage. I said I got married because I love my wife

Everyone says that when they get married! And even if you do everything possible to stay married, your wife can decide to get a divorce, or something else can happen that causes the divorce. You never know. That's why you get car insurance. Even the best driver in the world can get into an accident with a random drunk driver.

Then by your train of thought, you shouldn't drive either. There is a chance you could get in an accident and die or be seriously injured, better to stay at home and never leave.

Marriage is all about giving her money, isn't it? You are saying it yourself now. If you want to keep your money to yourself, marriage isn't for you, right? That's what you just said. What's so bad about the idea of "what's yours is yours and what's mine is mine"?

Some stuff is hers, some is mine and it isnt about giving her money. I will tell you I am very happy, and would much rather her be here than gone. What good is money if you aren't happy? But marriage is sharing your life with each other. Are you an only child?

I am curious your age and profession. Not to judge you, but to help shed light on your point of view and give me perspective.

The only way God is real, is if God is real. Believing that something is true doesn't make it true. It has to actually be true. Besides, religion demands that everyone who works on Sunday should be killed. Religion sure is great, isn't it?

Rather or not I am a believer, you and I are not the ones to say God is real or not. I doubt it, but I cannot say it isn't true. But this is where you falter. It is true to them. Religious people live off a faith. God may not be physically real, but the corporeal entity is real to them and thus affects their lives and gives importance in their life.
Is love true or real? Or is it a pleasure response of endorphins to your brain to someone who pleases you? These are beliefs and ideals and are real to the people, because that is what they believe in.

Yeah, that was the original reasoning behind it. Regardless of the reason, the reality is that in most divorces, the man ends up getting fucked over big time. You can talk about how things should or could be all you want. I'm talking about how they actually are.

The actuality of it is that I am a happily married person who would regret every day that I wasnt married to my wife.

[Inazuma]

Inazuma

I'm getting married because I've found the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. We want to get married because we love each other, not because there may be financial perks associated with marriage.

You can love her and spend the rest of your life with her, without being married. Those are not reasons for getting married, because marriage doesn't change them at all.

Try again please. Give me a valid reason this time. It needs to be something that you don't already have. Something that can only exist because of marriage.

[Radical Lanzar]

The only time you have a choice in the matter is if you refuse to enter a relationship or a marriage with someone. You can list all of the excuses for or against it all you want. If the other person doesn't agree to it, then that's the end of it.

[Jmustang1968]

Anyone that argues about marriage needs to mind their own business. Heaven forbid you become the person that is married and meddles in the neighbors' problems. That's what you're doing right now.

Do what? I don't care if Inazuma or anyone else gets married or not, that is their prerogative. He questioned the validity of marriage and the intentions behind it, so we are answering or giving response to the discussion.

[Jmustang1968]

Inazuma

I'm getting married because I've found the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. We want to get married because we love each other, not because there may be financial perks associated with marriage.

You can love her and spend the rest of your life with her, without being married. Those are not reasons for getting married, because marriage doesn't change them at all.

Try again please. Give me a valid reason this time. It needs to be something that you don't already have. Something that can only exist because of marriage.

It is a legal and for some religious commitment to another person.