Second Geist Force unreleased GDR beta found for Dreamcast!!

[YoshiEgg25]

"A planet suddenly griped with fear"

Thanks for not letting me get past the first sentence.

[Mod_Man_Extreme]

Now for a better worded translation, and if you ask me, he did a much nicer job with this one.

STILL too wordy, and the blurbs at the bottom are hilariously bad.

It just needs to be short and concise. For example the "hundreds of miles of 3D mountains" part sounds dated, cheesy and lame even by Dreamcast era standards. Also, give the text a small, teensy drop shadow to increase the legibility, and leave the fonts bold but make them a bit less bold if possible.

It should be should be like this (feel free to make a cover with a direct copy and paste of this on it if you'd like):

( NOTE: BOLD, UNDERLINED and (PARENTHESIZED) words are notations and not part of the script.)

PARAGRAPH ONE: A mysterious planet, dark technological forces at work, the powerful Galactic Federation and an evil Alien Queen fighting for dominance over a mysterious unknown force. All this while you're stuck piloting through hell and high water to prevent the destruction of your planet and the Galaxy! Defeat the evil invading forces and help spread peace to the star system and beyond; all while keeping your head cool and your laser blasters smoking. GEIST FORCE is your Dreamcast's hot ticket to gorgeous, blistering, thumb splitting action you won't want to miss!

(LINE BREAK)

PARAGRAPH TWO: Fly through massive open worlds while soaring along mountaintops, plunge into the abyss as you dive through canyons, avoid blasts of lava as you spiral through volcanoes and feel the mist as you skim the waterfronts. The action's action so real you'll break out in a cold sweat!

(UNDERNEATH ROW OF PICTURES)

Featuring incredible particle effects and true-to-life physics GEIST FORCE truly puts you in the pilot's seat!

Remember, the purpose of a game case is to sell the customer on the product while keeping their attention for under 90 seconds. If you give them the whole plot and spoil the ending it becomes pointless.

[aaron]

yep, still looks like shit.

it's not so much the words themselves (though it is worded really poorly, with awful grammer and such), it's the layout. it just looks so god damn awful. look at the JP cover that yakumo did. simplistic, elegant, amazing. this one just looks fucking stupid.

i'm sorry, i know i'm not really offering up any solutions but it's late and i'm tired and that means i'm cranky. custom covers are a real hot button for me for some reason, i just get really pissed when i see something that should be awesome look exactly the opposite.

[elmagicochrisg]

[Anthony817]

Hey, to stop the bitching, I emplore you to take a crack at it yourself. You do a better job than Yakumos translated Engrish text and try to find 1 peice of into on this game on the net.

Be my guest, find some info on this game or word it better. I agree, the translation sounds like shit, but really there is not 1 peice of info on this game, so here you go, make some words on the back that appeal to you, and post it back up here so we can see your amazing literacy skills.

@modman, congrats, you know how not to flame and give constructive criticsism. I couldn't have worded it better myself! Ok sending the raw text to Dcfanatic.

[Anthony817]

Now for a better worded translation, and if you ask me, he did a much nicer job with this one.

I like this one. The other cover that describes the game as a rare find just didn't seem authentic. More importantly when will the game come out?

Ah bro I didn't see your post my bad! Well, Assembler said it should get sent in the next 2 days, so as soon as he gets it, and rips and makes professionaly copies of it, we will get the game after all are sold out.

He is making a limited run of 100 copies, and at the last post 33 of them were accounted for.

I did make a mistake though, these will not be printed on GDR's, they will be on CD's, but they will get offical covers pressed. Also, ANYBODY can make a donation of $50 -$100, and secure yourself a copy of one of the rarest Dreamcast games that will see the light of day. I was wrong to say the reserves were already made, I hadn't known the full scope of what Assembler had planned.

http://www.assemblergames.com/forums/sh ... hp?t=31834

[CRTGAMER]

Now for a better worded translation, and if you ask me, he did a much nicer job with this one.

I like this one. The other cover that describes the game as a rare find just didn't seem authentic. More importantly when will the game come out?

Ah bro I didn't see your post my bad! Well, Assembler said it should get sent in the next 2 days, so as soon as he gets it, and rips and makes professionaly copies of it, we will get the game after all are sold out.

He is making a limited run of 100 copies, and at the last post 33 of them were accounted for.

I did make a mistake though, these will not be printed on GDR's, they will be on CD's, but they will get offical covers pressed. Also, ANYBODY can make a donation of $50 -$100, and secure yourself a copy of one of the rarest Dreamcast games that will see the light of day. I was wrong to say the reserves were already made, I hadn't known the full scope of what Assembler had planned.

http://www.assemblergames.com/forums/sh ... hp?t=31834

100 CDs multiplied by $50 to $100 equals $5,000 to $10,000. Sure is a tidy profit for that auction of a beta game. I can see covering the cost and maybe a little extra for the trouble. So wrong, hopefully SOMEONE releases a download for all to enjoy.

That belongs in a museum!

[elmagicochrisg]

[Anthony817]

Well, that is the price of getting an offical looking copy. I think it cost about $11 to produce each of the copies with everything, shrinkwrapped and all.

This is just an extra for those that helped donate, or want it early, or want something that not a lot of folks will have.

I agree, it is a large profit, and I am going to wait on the ISO to emerge like most others, but for certain collectors, this is a deal they can't refuse. Here is the latest cover my friend Dcfanatic made, so I hope you'll agree the quality is much better, and the wording as well.

[Mod_Man_Extreme]

Well, that is the price of getting an offical looking copy. I think it cost about $11 to produce each of the copies with everything, shrinkwrapped and all.

This is just an extra for those that helped donate, or want it early, or want something that not a lot of folks will have.

I agree, it is a large profit, and I am going to wait on the ISO to emerge like most others, but for certain collectors, this is a deal they can't refuse. Here is the latest cover my friend Dcfanatic made, so I hope you'll agree the quality is much better, and the wording as well.

It's better, but still too wordy. He seems to be writing the dialogue from his point of view to sound cool in a personal sense instead of trying to appeal towards others and a multitude of people who would potentially buy it or play it. An actual case would be simple to read, look free of clutter and appeal to all ages and personalities.

In other words a game box should be as short, concise and generic as can be. The problem is that DC-Fanatic is trying to sound cool which in turn makes him sound lame. He has to stop translating the Japanese cover, that can't be said enough. Just drop it and forget about it, as the translation isn't gonna work. The story sounds cool in it's native language, but is comes off awkward sounding in English mainly as it wasn't Americanized in it's sentence structure and vocabulary but instead simply given a straight translation.

Second the grammar requires a checkup. There's a severe lack of commas and some sentences simply run-on quite a bit. Not to mention there's a lack of proper sentence structure in key areas such as correct use of the word "that", a nonchalance in the use of proper tense and lots of repetitive word usage.

There are too many pictures on the back as well. At most there should only be either 3 in a row or 3 in a column. As it stands he currently has 5 pictures and it feels cramped and pushy. Would you buy a game you picked up randomly for the full $50 price tag when the cover is so tightly packed and clearly looks desperate and cheap?

Finally, get rid of the "Made by Sega of America's internal studio and Babylon 5 people etc..." line. Anyone regular schmuck holding the case in a store would just think it's made by Sega already, developer knowledge is only really known to the hardcore because the mainstream simply assumes that all games on a particular system are made by that company. As for the Netter Digital blurb that follows the made by Sega comment, ditch it; it's unnecessary and completely pointless. People do not want to buy Babylon 5 when they're reading a game case, more so I've never even seen Babylon 5. Now if you're like me and have never seen the flick it sounds like some lame B-movie sci-fi schlock. I'm instantly turned off by it, putting the case down and picking up something else from the shelf. Sure I know what Babylon 5 is and that it's a respected sci-fi franchise, but I haven't ever seen seen it and am not exactly making an effort to do so in the future. It's not readily available, was never in theaters, didn't have anything to do with the game itself and there are tons more reasons I shouldn't even have to mention about why it has no relation to the game.

If it can't relate to both the mainstream buyers AND the hardcore gamers don't put it on the box. The back and front of the box isn't meant to be aesthetically pleasing or artistic, it's to sell a person on a title and make them feel like they need it like there's no tomorrow.

All in all he made a stronger effort here and the use of bullet points was an extremely good choice. All that's needed is simply some impartiality on the part of the writer to design it around something more compact (short and to the point, that's the key) fluidly worded and with a wider appeal.