What Made you Smile/What Ticked you off Today?

[prfsnl_gmr]

Fixed my Kaboom cover:

Nice work, REPO. It’s much better now. I’m happy that you’re enjoying making custom cover art for some of your favorite games and movies.

[REPO Man]

Thank you. Personally I'm grateful that fixing the Kaboom cover didn't require full-on remaking it.

[REPO Man]

Little brother's in jail. He and his girlfriend got in a fight, and apparently it got so bad they called the cops. Apparently he may be incarcerated for at least a year and up to 40 months, give or take. I don't have all the details, though.

And I found out my mom might not have a place to stay in September, since my brother's ex-girlfriend's grandparents won't be renewing the lease when it's up in almost five months.

Meanwhile, I owe six months of back rent to my landlord. He's usually been okay with me paying the rent when I can during the off-season, but between getting laid off in October from my morning job and getting my hours cut, it's been impossible just to keep my bills paid. That includes the electricity, which his construction crew's been using to build his new house, a decent prefab that's about 15-25ft away (I suck at being able to tell distance by "eyeballing it").

My manager at my morning job keeps telling me that she "doesn't have the hours", which is bullshit because I only took that job to help with my sudden increase in expenses due to moving into my own place and having to pay my own bills.

This is why I wish I lived in NYC. There, they don't cut people's hours and lay people off just because it's fall or winter. If I lived in NYC and did essentially the same thing up there that I do here, I'd be able to do it year-round as God intended. And if I worked the same hours year-round without my hours being tied to an economy built around 5-7 months of tourism, I'd be able to pay my rent and bills year-round. That's what keeps fucking me up, not being able to work consistently year-round.

Maybe then I'd probably even be able to help my mom out more often. God knows she goes through a lot. Homeless 9 years ago, lost her mother a year later, breast cancer two years ago and now she's been at a new job for a few weeks now and has to start figuring out where she's going to live here soon.

Meanwhile, I bet if I left for NYC back in 2019, I'd probably be in a better place now financially. Granted the pandemic would have made things difficult, but I imagine I would have had my rent paid up enough to where possibly losing one job (assuming I'd be doing the same thing up there that I was in 2019, grocery stocking and working in a bakery). I'd probably have had enough cash stashed away to start a modest at-home business, assuming I didn't start one a few months prior. I'd probably be supplementing my income by making and selling homemade items on Etsy. I've always wanted to try to get into candle making and I've considered making fantasy- and sci-fi-themed items like wizard staves and cyberpunk light fixtures. And with more time at home I'd probably write and direct short films in my apartment with my roommates. Maybe even take up coding. And probably start working out.

Because at the end of the day, going to NYC hasn't been just about making friends, finding my tribe, getting my first kiss, going to my first concert and getting laid. At the end of the day, it's been about finding my fortune. I can't find it on the Outer Banks and quite frankly nothing in my town really inspires me. And if I can't find my fortune, how can I take care of my family? How can I buy that farm my mom's always wanted to buy and run? How can I put my nieces and nephews, and one day hopefully my sons and daughters, through college?

Sometimes, I just wish I could just pack up my stuff and just drive off. Like the song goes:

Sometimes I just want to drive
Until the streets run out.

[marurun]

I am sorry to hear you and your family are having such a rough time, though your brother may need that timeout if he’s been charged with domestic abuse. I think you and your mom need to get off the Cape to a less seasonal area to try and build some stability before launching off.

[PretentiousHipster]

Yea I would suggest moving elsewhere with your mother for now and work together to get more stable.

Since you are huge on movies, I want to remind you what those "Hollywood dream" films are like, or similar stuff like Showgirls. It's impossible to get in and do well, talent is even one of the last things. I would suggest seeing Louis Theroux's video on Broadway. My suggestion is to do the moving with your mother and then move out when both of you are ok, and work on writing on your own, or do skits on youtube and tik tok.

Don't wanna steal your thunder, but I am going through a terrible mental health crisis. Will spoiler it even if it's sfw.

Obv talking to my psychiatrist is the best but we have discussed the similar plan in the previous visit.

My mental health was turning to shit, like my meds stopped working all of a sudden. There was pretty much one med left to try that wouldn't do something extreme. I felt good and thought it was gonna be ok. I then had to get my bloodwork done, because the med can do fatal liver damage. The results came in, although my doctor probably didn't see it yet, and there are signs of liver damage already. I'm double over the normal range of AST and ALT. I can't take anything else because they will do severe kidney damage over time, and I only have one.

So, I basically have 3 options:

1) Don't give a shit and just keep it going until my liver or kidney dies.
2) Go to my other meds which barely work
3) Take the last med that is an extreme one. They give it to violent people with dementia as well because it shuts you down that much. When my brother was on it all he did was sleep, wake up to cook and eat, and then go back to sleep.

With option 2 I was going through it, I was in a constant manic state and a complete mess. Laughing randomly, talking very fast, horny as well, doing weird drawings, tons of shopping. I'll basically be like that all the time. I had lots of emergency visits during then.

I'm torn on what to do, and feel like I am at a loss on how my life is going to be.

[Flake]

Meanwhile, I bet if I left for NYC back in 2019, I'd probably be in a better place now financially. Granted the pandemic would have made things difficult, but I imagine I would have had my rent paid up enough to where possibly losing one job (assuming I'd be doing the same thing up there that I was in 2019, grocery stocking and working in a bakery). I'd probably have had enough cash stashed away to start a modest at-home business, assuming I didn't start one a few months prior. I'd probably be supplementing my income by making and selling homemade items on Etsy. I've always wanted to try to get into candle making and I've considered making fantasy- and sci-fi-themed items like wizard staves and cyberpunk light fixtures. And with more time at home I'd probably write and direct short films in my apartment with my roommates. Maybe even take up coding. And probably start working out.

If you'd gone to NYC back in 2019, you'd be just as fucked. You're consistently putting off doing anything to improve your position - so you think wasting time in one of the most expensive places in the entire world while a deadly virus rages around you would have made things better??

I get it, trauma dumping here is a nice escape and you get some sympathy from a ton of people but as someone who has read your ongoing saga for literally YEARS, I have to tell you man: The world isn't your problem. YOU are your problem.

[marurun]

PH, I’m so sorry for the shit situation you are stuck in. Are you able to get a second opinion? Or are there any trials you could maybe get enrolled in? My advice is surely unhelpful. You have some amazing amount of perspective on your own circumstances. If there’s anything we here on the forums can do to assist don’t hesitate to ask. I cannot imagine being stuck where you are.

[REPO Man]

If you'd gone to NYC back in 2019, you'd be just as fucked. You're consistently putting off doing anything to improve your position - so you think wasting time in one of the most expensive places in the entire world while a deadly virus rages around you would have made things better??

First off, you assume I'd be the same person in NYC that I am on the Outer Banks. Your theory hinges on an inability to grow as a person and quickly adapt to new circumstances and surroundings, despite I've shown to be capable of both. Also, my plan was to be in NYC in late October, roughly 3-5 months BEFORE the coronavirus hit NYC. Given how a part of my plan was to pay a second month's rent up front, I'd be paid up rent-wise until January. And I'd still pay the rent each month to stay ahead. As such, by around February, I'd be paid up until April at least. And I'd be working two jobs, and one of which would have most likely been a grocery store, which would have logically been too essential to close down. Worst case scenario I go from working 60-70 hours a week to 30-40, but I'd have enough rent paid in advance and some savings stashed away. And given how delivery services damn near exploded during COVID, I'd be smart enough to get in on that any way I could.

The world isn't your problem. YOU are your problem.

How is getting laid off from one job while my other job cuts my hours my fault exactly? If I had any say in how the world around me is run, Hatteras Island wouldn't be built exclusively around seasonal tourism.

In fact, finding people to work here is a crapshoot because housing is too damn expensive. In fact, I bet if all the locals packed up and left the island for good, the powers that be (mostly rich out-of-towners who mostly don't even live here year-round) would just switch entirely to J1 workers for 90-99% of the workforce.

That fact is, without every single detail, you can't legitimately make such claims. I can't just "get a better job" unless that job actually exists and the employer hires me. I can't just "move to a better town" unless I have the money and the means to do so. And I can't just "get more money" because like I keep trying to explain, the economy isn't built around upward mobility for anyone except those that have already achieved upward mobility. And I can't just "ask my boss for more money and/or hours and/or year-round gainful employment", because everyone thinks the way things are are "good enough".

Not everyone can just climb out of the hole, because not everyone is in a shallow-enough hole and not everyone in a deep hole has a ladder. One can't pull themselves up by their bootstraps unless they have bootstraps to begin with. Believe it or not, the most obvious solution isn't available to everyone.

[marurun]

Repo, your current environment is clearly challenging, as is the personal baggage you carry with you, however...

Your theory hinges on an inability to grow as a person and quickly adapt to new circumstances and surroundings, despite I've shown to be capable of both.

If there's one thing your posts here have demonstrated it is that you are not at all adaptable. In fact, your resistance to any solution other than NYC, even as a temporary stopover to remedy the challenges your current environment imposes on you, is a good indication of just how hidebound and inflexible you are. I think it's pretty clear to everyone on the board except yourself that your dreams of NYC are stopping you from making critical decisions that could help you dig yourself out of the difficult situation you're stuck in. You are an embodiment of the aphorism that "perfect is the enemy of good."

[Flake]

Not everyone can just climb out of the hole, because not everyone is in a shallow-enough hole and not everyone in a deep hole has a ladder. One can't pull themselves up by their bootstraps unless they have bootstraps to begin with. Believe it or not, the most obvious solution isn't available to everyone.

Not true. Everyone can do SOMETHING to improve their position. Can everyone become a billionaire? Absolutely not. Until the moment your life ends, however, you can still make efforts to get better. You say "I could have learned to code." Awesome, great place to start - go to https://www.codecademy.com , pick a language to learn and you have a 100% free introductory course to get the basics down.

You really want to move to NYC? Do it incremental steps. After you get a remote IT job with your new coding skills, pick a more affordable (relatively speaking) area near NYC and use that as your launch pad for an eventual life in NYC. Move to Jersey, spend time in the city, make contacts and friends and with the experience you gained in your new job, you'll be able to find a better paying job in NYC as a successful IT specialist. This is just ONE example of taking what you define as success and imagining the incremental, manageable steps it takes to get there. Would this path be easy? Hell no - getting into IT requires a ton of studying. Regardless of what you want to do that could afford you a life in NYC, YOU WILL NOT DO IT IN ONE STEP.